Dear future boyfriend/husband

I’ll be upfront, I’m not a weak and stupid girl to begin with. I crave mental stimulation, senseful conversations, adventure, cheesy moments, and some time alone once in a while. If you are wise, I can be wiser. If you are smart, I’ll tend to contradict. I can be quite intimidating and snob if I want, so you have to be brave. If I am strong, you need to be a lot stronger. Because I could be a bit of too much of everything. I won’t settle for a mediocre relationship. I won’t settle for a weak partner. I want growth. I want security. I want loyalty and respect. I want romance—lots of it! I want to have a partnership that’s wild and passionate, yet peaceful at the same time. I hope you prefer the same. I’m not demanding but I think every woman deserves the best. I may be stubborn and straightforward, but I’ll submit to you once I’ve seen that you are worthy. I may be a lot tougher now, but I still can melt within the right hands.

I’m not going to look for you nor hunt you down. I live through instincts and I follow signs. I know that we’re already destined to meet somewhere in the future. Who knows maybe tomorrow or the next day or next month. Or maybe, just maybe, we have already met but the timing was off that day. I’ve had may fair share with guys over the past years. I’ve hurt some, and some had hurt me as well. I think I’ve gone through all emotions that life can offer. Intoxicated, euphoric. Pained and agonized. Joyful, melancholic. Envy and despair. You name it, I have felt it.

Sometimes I find myself laughing and wondering, heartache after heartache, why do I still seek that one thing that drives people insane? Why do I still have my hopes up in spite of it all? Why do I pray for someone that doesn’t even exist yet? Why do I pray for something that’s beyond unimaginable? Why does my heart still yearns for love? Why does my self still aching to love again? I should be a bitch snow queen by now you know. But here I am, still daydreaming. Here I am, still praying. Here I am, no matter what I do, faith still keeps on burning.

I’m not desperate to have a man in my life. I’m not even in a hurry. It’s already been almost two years and yet I still don’t do dating. But I find myself praying and hoping that it is still in God’s will that one day I’d be loving again and build my own family with you. That one day I’d surrender myself to love and to take care of you and our future kid(s) for as long as I live. That one day you’d come and I’d willingly study every bit of pieces about you, memorize your face and your voice, the things you like, your pet peeves, your principles, know your past and deepest/darkest secrets. Accept you unconditionally and love all the parts that made you who you are today. Call me crazy, I don’t know who you are, but I always pray for you to be in good shape and being. That you are always safe and creating the best version of you. I really don’t have an idea in mind on what I wanted you to look like, okay I admit, sometimes I wish you’re kinda cute. Or maybe a little taller than me. Or if I could only request, I wish you got a nice smile and annoying laugh that can easily brighten my mood. Hehe!

I pray to experience a different kind of love this time. Something that God really ordained. Something not made impulsively, coz I don’t want to create the same mistakes again. I also pray that you can match my level of maturity both mentally and spiritually. But I hope that you are a lot better Christian than I am. (as in genuine Christian and not fake) So that you can easily lift me up and lead me most especially during my times of weakness. But honestly, I wanted you to be someone that God thinks I needed in my life and not the other way around. My complete opposite. The one that would complement me. My own Yang to my Yin self.

I haven’t prayed for the exact date on when should our meetup shall be. That would be ridiculous and suicidal. And I don’t think I’d be that ready. Should I be scared? Should I be excited? Would I instantly feel the connection? Would I immediately feel that you’re “The One”? Would I feel safe and at home already at first glance and hello? Maybe we’ll start out plain and awkward but then once we got the hang of ourselves together, we’ll hit it off. Or will my hormones deceive me? Haha! All I believe is that when God finally brings us together, we’re both ready and it will be very special. Maybe it will be magical. Something that no geniuses can possibly explain. (or maybe just the hormones again? Lol) But no matter how long it takes, the waiting will be so much worth it. And I am willing to wait. For everything is beautiful in God’s perfect time. 🙂

p.s.
Malakas akong kumain. Sana ikaw rin.

Love,
The woman that will change your life forever naks

*first posted last December 2016 in my Facebook account

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